So slowly but surely I am letting go of what happened with me and Louis (dad) for those of you who don't know. I shouldn't let it bother me, and I'm not going to anymore, it isn't worth it:]
On another note, things at home have been going really well, my roommates and I have been pretty busy well not really but pretty bored, so in the last couple days we have rearranged he living room, created a boredom jar, hung up pictures and such, and went to parties, I feel so at home with these girls it isn't even funny, like I couldn't picture having a home and not having them in it. Crazy right? I know. Hopefully though things go through with me and kayla getting our own apartment, just me and her, and us both getting jobs, I'm going to miss Leann bunches though, she is like my little Mormon sister(; lol at least that gives me an excuse to go to Utah:] well her and her friends, besides the douche at our apartment now, Brandon; I wont go for him because I don't like him.. at he knows it. Well he doesn't like me either but I am used to that haha that probably isn't something you should be used too...? that's bad, but there are many things I am used to that I shouldn't be haha..
I can't sleep though, which sucks and Kayla said she finished her blog post and it reminded me that I haven't posted in a few days so I figured it was time for a post. I think the reason I can't sleep is because I miss being able to sleep with someone and cuddle, I miss cuddling especially with the weather we are having right now. I don't think I miss being in Humboldt as much as I miss the people I can't see like for example if My mom and brother, My sister and nephew, and my neighbors where here I would feel great! what more do you need?
I feel my self getting fatter and I need to go work out again! now that my cramps haven't been as bad I am going to go and start again, because I don't like the feeling. ugh, frustrating! especially being around people who are way smaller than you it makes me feel even worse hah but it is whatever I guess (:
I think I need to go back to counseling, because I have issues and that is no joke, I didn't realize they where as bad as they where till they recently got pointed out, for example I bottle up my emotions and don't talk to anyone about them, when I get mad or even the slightest bit upset I get silent and leave, I don't empress the things that bother me till they are to the point where it isn't okay, I think the reason I am like that is because I have too many insecurities to count and things wrong with me that if I point out things that they are going to come back on me and I don't want that, I don't think that would happen but it is a little thing that I always have in my mind.
My insecurities hold me back from so much, I have been told so many times that I am to harsh on myself, but I can't help it. I see everything that is wrong with me all the time, there isn't a happy medium there is just wrong. I don't know why I do that but I do. I don't think I do anything right, I don't think anything is right with me and so on and so forth and that is just something I am going to have to figure out how to work on, because it is tearing me apart. I don't like to show people that things hurt me, because it makes me feel week, I don't like people to see me cry because it makes me feel like a baby. But people get the impression that I am a bitch and don't get me wrong I am but that isn't what I wanted to be. I just don't know any other way to protect myself. blah.
Tomorrow is Sushi day:] get ready for pictures and recipes!! <3 <3
Feel Free To Blog Stalk Me.
-Larissa Pree
<3
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